Today, I’m sad.

Today I finally accepted the fact that Danger Man is retired.

I’ve been denying it, at least partially, for some time.  But today, it hit me.

I was going to go to Supercon, another superhero-themed pub crawl, like the one where Danger Man made his public debut. I couldn’t think of anything to promote there, even though I had options at my disposal.  But I was going to go, and be brash, and loud, and improv my ass off while drinking beer.

I didn’t have anyone to go with, though.  And it is way out on 60th and Foster.  I had one appointment today, on a Saturday, and then I was going to change into my costume for the first time in three or four months and go superhero it up.

This meeting, though, turned out to be really lucrative.  They want me to do some webwork for them, now, today, and if I really want to build a business that can sustain me in tropical paradise, I’ve gotta do it.

So I decided not to go.

Thats when it hit me.  The logo that I printed out ready to slide into his badge holder will never make it onto Danger Man’s chest.  I dont know if I will ever dress up as him again, except in jest.  For now, I call myself retired.

And I’m sad.

I know that fate is pushing me this way, and that it’s time for me to be done.  There’s no point in investing time, and energy, and risk into the character that ultimately did not lead me to a completed project.  I’ve got a new direction now, and my gut tells me, thats okay.  Its my heart that hurts, though, because there was something really important to me that Danger Man let me fulfill.

I got to perform.

I need something from acting, from performance, from creating live on stage or in front of a camera.  From improvisation.  From physical feats of strength and virtuosity.  I need something there that I have been missing in my life.

Living as an insurance agent in corporate america, I lost something very important to myself that Danger Man gave back to me.  Now that I am letting him go, I feel the heartbreak that I am losing this integral piece of myself, again.

Next, I’ll have to find out how to keep that piece of me whole, without Danger Man.