According to the rules of the #trust30 writing prompts, this is my first day (out of 30) of trusting myself, and writing what needs to be written.

Todays prompt:

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

(Author: Gwen Bell)

My story is about gratitude.

I don’t have many regrets with my life, or its ending, but if I only have fifteen minutes left to record my thoughts about it, this time is best spent in conveying my gratitude for the amazing life I have been given, and leaving these thoughts to my descendants.

Like many, my life had challenges. Like few, I have been totally torn down to my bare bones, and given the opportunity to remake myself anew. And this, I suppose, has allowed me this unique gift: the ability to DECIDE what my life means.

It is a unique difficulty to go through life unrooted, but this has been a blessing, because I do not have the roots of my past dictating who I must be. At every turn, I have been allowed the luxury of deciding who I will become for the rest of my life.

For this last fifteen minutes, I decide to be grateful.

I married the woman of my dreams, and spent a decade with her as my best friend. I went through the births of two of my children, and watched them grow, subconsciously taking on the quirks of myself and my life partner. Watching them become strange reflections of their two parents has been one of the best joys of my life.

I never reached my full potential, and I came to peace with that. It was when I stopped trying to maximize my potential, and fight against my disadvantages to overcome adversity, that I was able to relax into the comfort of being. And this comfort has made all the difference.

I found myself at a strange intersection of digital technology, artistic expression, and business savvy. When I stopped trying to fit into the molds that were offered for me, I allowed myself to become what I was best at being: myself.

This trust, following my own inclinations over the ‘shoulds’ of classification and intention, is what finally allowed me to relax into being. If I could offer any advice to those who come after me, it would be to watch alertly for this realization in your life, and allow yourself to relax into it when it comes. I missed it the first few times, but I am grateful I got it right before my time on earth was over.

I am conflicted about the end of this fifteen minutes of writing; I am joyous that I indulged my creativity in writing and introspection, but frustrated with the quality of my writing.  I am rusty. Perhaps this will improve with 30 successive days of introspection…I will post again tomorrow, with the next prompt.